day 5 - a time you thought about ending your own life.
i can honestly say that i have never thought about ending my life, not because i have never been really sad or depressed enough or felt completely helpless, but because i think it would be really selfish of me to do. to make my parents and loved ones go through that kind of sadness just because i cant deal, i couldnt do that. plus so far in life there isnt a situation where i havent seen the silver lining
i think my worst habit, well not so much my worst but the habit i hate the most is how codependent i am. when i see someone i need to be with them as long as humanly possible because i just dont want them to go, like with jaime, maybe its an abandonment issue idk but i fall too hard too fast and come across as needy. its the neediness i need to get rid of
this year has been interesting, i feel like i have lost all the people that i held close here in the oc, we just dont hang out anymore and it makes me sad, from victoria to jon, all i have left is erika, and that isnt bad but sometimes i want something more, someone more who i know wont be disappointed in me when i do stupid shit or judge me for liking a loser boy. or tease me in a way that will get to me.
i started working at starbucks this year and it is awesome, i like it a lot and i feel like i am actually going somewhere in the company which is quite unnerving because i feel like i am going to fail epically, but other people have great faith in me so i think that i might be ok i just have to try really hard… i can do that
this year i got over erik, for real. and now i am thinking about jaime, and the beginning stages of this dating thing we are doing is starting out a lot like the erik thing which worries me but i am trying to be open minded, myself i dont date that much so maybe it is always like this idk trying not to settle
as for the rest of this year i have plenty of plans but we shall just have to wait and see wont we
he is interesting which hasnt always had the best results for me. he seems nice but irresponsible, maybe even a little reckless but that is fun too. he is a complete gentleman and a complete ass that the same time, like a riddle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a vest. he isnt around all the time like i would like him to be but we arent really dating so he doesnt have to be. he has a cute smile almost a little rockabilly and and and….. lol hes nice
Made of Stone- is the lyric of an envy on the coast lyric, not my fave but still very true. sometimes i would love to be made of stone, to not show emotions because sometimes they give too much away, make you vulnerable, show your weaknesses, and i myself am so easy to read that it would be so advantageous, especially if i could fucking stop blushing.
on the other hand i bet a stone doesnt feel love either
Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself Day 02- The meaning behind your Tumblr name Day 03- A picture of you and your friends Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to Day 06- Favorite super hero and why Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends Day 12- How you found out about Tumblr and why you made one Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently Day 14- A picture of you and your family Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play Day 16- Another picture of yourself Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else Day 23- Something you crave for a lot Day 24- A letter to your parents Day 25- What I would find in your bag Day 26- What you think about your friends Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then? Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned Day 30- Who are you?
the past month march/april has been good but in a way that i am not used to. work things are good but i feel like i dont really have any friends here in santa ana that i can rely on enough to hang out everyday or some days.
there is a boy that i am sort of seeing, we have talked on and off for more than a month i think, and i am ready to completely invest myself in someone else right now but i dont think that he feels the same. the we have hung out for real only 3 times and each time he has tried to have sex with me, which we have done but it almost feels like that is the only thing he is after, which is ok with me but i would like to have a talk with him so we can set ground rules, i dont want to fall for him if all he wants is a fling.
which leads me to the next problem he doesnt always text me back and it is annoying as fuck. because i would like to get to know him more but he isnt down but when we are together he is and thats nice but i feel like i want someone right now that is around more often than that but he seems genuinely interested so we shall see how that goes for us.
work right now is weird because we lost a manager and there are a lot of changes going on so we shall see if i survive it all
also been giving weed a chance so different things are happening
i will be trying this month lets see how this goes
day 1 - the past month in detail. day 2 - photo of your favorite body part day 3 - describe the person you like. day 4 - this year, in great detail. day 5 - a time you thought about ending your own life. day 6 - write 30 interesting facts about yourself. day 7 - your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality. day 8 - a moment you felt the most satisfied with your life. day 9 - how you hope your future will be like. day 10 - discuss your first love and first kiss. day 11 - put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up. day 12 - bullet your whole day. day 13 - somewhere you’d like to move or visit. day 14 - your earliest memory. day 15 - something that makes you smile. day 16 - put your ipod on shuffle and list the first 10 songs. day 17 - your highs and lows of this past year. day 18 - your beliefs. day 19 - disrespecting your parents. day 20 - a song to describe the weather or your current mood day 21 - one of your favorite shows. day 22 - how have you changed in the past 2 years? day 23 - give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive. day 24 - your favorite movie and what it’s about. day 25 - someone who fascinates you and why. day 26 - what kind of person attracts you. day 27 - a problem that you have had. day 28 - something that you miss. day 29 - goals for the next 30 days. day 30 - your highs and lows of this month